You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize