dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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