if you like me you must not know who I am
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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