There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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