i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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