You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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