I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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