new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize