DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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