You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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