I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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