How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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