The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
worst night to have a conscience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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