i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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