I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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