3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize