i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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