Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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