totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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