I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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