I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize