I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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