Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize