you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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