She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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