if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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