I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize