:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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