Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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