Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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