onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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