piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I smell stomach acid.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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