Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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