I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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