also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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