dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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