3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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