I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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