I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize