I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize