i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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