Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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