i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize