Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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