The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize