you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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