She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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