He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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