you traded sex for a burrito?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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