We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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